[B] For the Sake of Our Future (Smoldering Ember x Bitter Heartbeat)

[doomsayer]

After all the things that both he and Sun-Cursed have been through over the last dozen seasons, he had decided to lavish his love and attention on her now that he had her back in their shared den. He did not want to have any regrets. He would no longer hold back in expressing his feelings for her.

He was no fool however. He knew that the love they share would eventually bear fruit. And though he knows it would bring him the most joy to share that stage of their lives with her--to raise a clutch of their young together--his thoughts would drift towards his relationship with his own father. Though not absent, Viper's Nest was aloof and difficult to talk to. It took his mother and the other adult bucks where he grew up to raise him into the buck he was today. He silently feared that he might be like that to his own children, and perhaps he would not feel the same about them as he did Sun-Cursed.

He knows his mother, Heart and Home, would say otherwise and that she would think the he would be an upstanding father to his children. But of course that is what she'd say--she raised him after all!

What he needed was an objective wisdom from someone who everyone agrees would be a trustworthy source of it. For this, he needed to find an ascended. He had heard that these kin were blessed with both the power and the wisdom of the MotherFather. Perhaps if he found one, he would ask for the favor of the MotherFather to bless his children to be of good health and strong will, and then about his doubts and what it truly means to be a good father.

-----

After talking to Sun-Cursed about seeking out one of the legendary ascended for advice, he leaves her in their shared den to her daytime sleep. He would trek to the edges of the swamp, where the majority of kin do not reside and where he thinks these elusive ascended could be found. From the stories of his mother, he knows that the ascended are supposed to know when a kin is seeking them out. So he holds in his mind and in his heart his desire to meet one as he travels the paths less trodden, hoping against hope that he would find one who would give him what he needs for the sake of his future family.

[anemosagkelos]

As spring sprinted into the rising temperatures that heralded summer, he found himself turning more to the cold blooded leathery skin of his caiman self. It was nice to have two forms that were suited for different weather and he liked the ease with which he could switch between them. The water around him vibrated as he let out a bellow of pleasure (though, honestly, it sounded more like a pig snorting).

Up ahead there was a kin in dire need; he could feel the anxiety rolling through the air like an oncoming thunderstorm. The poor buck or doe, he thought. It seemed so long ago that he had been such a wreck, scared of everything and more a turtle than a kin at all. A wonder he hadn't seen himself in the turtle, well he had but that was a stagnation or a regression. The caiman was growth and chance. The minibear was cuddles and a bright future. Sometimes he wondered why all kin couldn't have that. Why did they need to be chosen first? But then that was far beyond his knowledge and he saw little point in questioning the Motherfather as it was.

His ridged tail swayed side to side as he propelled himself forward. The flowers around his neck sat on the water like an offering as his yellow eyes watched. Soon the kin would come into sight. He hoped the buck or doe wasn't too skittish; it was a shame how many were so afraid of caiman that they turned tail and ran away from him. Another bellow, this one of amusement. He'd just have to chase them down, he supposed, if it happened. Again.

[doomsayer]

Deep in thought and filled with worry, he walked on the dry paths alongside the shallow, muddy waters of the swamp. He was alone for the most part of it, considering very few kin took shelter in the area as it was too prone to flooding with the slightest rain.

Snapping him out of his wallowing was a bellow from out in the waters. It was certainly loud enough to catch his attention, but he wasn't the type to be shaken easily by loud noises. A uniquely colored Caiman with flowers seemingly growing out of its scales approached him. He had heard that the ascended were known to take animal shapes, but one would never know if it was indeed an ascended or just another animal until one witnesses the transition. He had been wary of animals he passed on this journey, just in case they were what he was looking for. But this one looked special, and he felt like it brought his thoughts back to the present on purpose.

He took a few steps back to give the beast space to come to shore. In the likely case that it was just a predator, at least he would have some space between them to still decide whether to fight or flee.

[anemosagkelos]

The caiman slipped out of water, droplets beading against his tough skin before sloughing off. He looked at the kin before him and considered. A brave buck, to be sure, since he did not run. That was a good sign for impending fatherhood. There would be many challenges that a parent could not run from if they intended to raise their offspring well. Although this viewpoint varied among the many kin, he could not help but believe that raising children had better results than not, depending on the parent or guardian.

With a shake, much like a dog, he shifted seamlessly in the stag form. He smiled, a gentle and reassuring sight despite the sharp teeth that poked out from his mouth. Glowing yellow eyes looked the buck up and down, he looked to be strong but troubled.

"You'll need that strong countenance when your little ones come along," he chuckled, "They'll test you in ways you cannot even yet imagine. And yet it will be the most rewarding thing you have ever done to raise them." He wanted to give the unsure buck some warning about the trouble of children. They were amazing and frustrating and hilarious and cruel and—there were not enough adjectives to describe them fully.

"Now, child, what troubles you?" Bitter Heartbeat sat, tail curling around his hooves and swishing idly as he waited. He did not think it would take much for the buck to talk, but he was still ready to shift into a more cuddly form should the need arise. A con of a caiman form remedied by the pro of a mini bear.

[doomsayer]

Watching the caiman's form morph into that of kin was still slightly jarring even when he thought he had prepared himself to witness it. It took a few moments before he could find his voice again, but thankfully the ascended one had opened with an encouraging sentiment and a chuckle.

He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. He had an objective and this was just the opportunity that he was looking for. He started by bowing his head to the ascended. He didn't know if that's what he was supposed to do, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to start with a show of respect for such a rare creature.

Straightening himself, he answered the kin in front of him "Uh, yes. Thank you for coming to my aid when I most need it, ascended one. I am Smoldering Ember and I love, have loved, and will continue to love a doe like no other. Her name is Sun-Cursed; she is the light of my world and I would want for nothing more than to continue to love her. I don't know if our love has yet borne fruit, but I wish only good things for them if I could.... And I have some questions about how I might feel about them? How I might treat them?"

[anemosagkelos]

Goodness, but the lad was formal, wasn't he? Bitter Heartbeat had to force himself not to giggle at the formality. He was only a buck, after all, not some great—well, whatever would be great besides the Motherfather. Although he had been ascended so long now that he wondered if he was not like beloved grandchild instead of a wild-eyed newborn when it came to their gaze. Thoughts for another time, that.

"First, let's dispense with the stiff idea that I am at all better than you, shall we?" he grinned, somehow soft around all his teeth. "We are friends, you and I, and you may call me Bitter Heartbeat. A Legendary with an inflated ego, well, what fun would that be?" he winked, still bemused at the idea of being so revered.

"What makes you think you that you would feel something different than you do for their mother?" he asked first.

[doomsayer]

Smoldering Ember couldn't help but raise an eyebrow as Bitter Heartbeat spoke to him so casually and asked him to drop his formalities as well. But he was truly relieved that speaking with the ascended buck felt just like talking to an an old friend or neighbor.

"Ah, well. My mother raised me to be respectful of others, especially my elders if anything, and I wouldn't be here looking for you if you weren't in some way my better. But thank you, your friendly manner helps with the nerves." He chuckled softly, mostly at himself and how wrong he appraised his whole first impression.

"I think my feelings might be different for my children because that's how my father was with my siblings and I. From what my mother has told me, they were quite friendly before she had us. But then, as my siblings and I were growing up, our father was barely there. And when he was, it didn't feel like he was there for us. Talking to him felt like trying to squeeze water out of a rock sometimes. Right now I want to be able to love my children and be there for them, but I don't know if that desire is somehow going to change once they're actually already here."

[anemosagkelos]

"Respect and idolizing are quite different, I find, and the former can be done by simply being thoughtful and kind," the stag shared. "While I may be more aged than you are and with more life experience, I would not consider myself better than you at all. Only different. Perhaps with more teeth and sometimes more fur," he grinned with a laugh.

He was quiet for a moment as he took in the buck's words. There were a variety of lifestyles and life cultures amongst kin. While he most assuredly believed in raising one's children, it was still very common for eggs or sacs to be laid and left. It wasn't something he thought he could do, but that did not mean it was wrong. Every once in awhile he, truthfully, met a kin that he knew would not give a child any benefit by remaining in its life. It was sad, in a way, but it was also true. The swamp moved on.

"Do you think his feelings changed?" he asked, "Or do you think you have seen his actions and taken those as his emotions?" While actions did often speak louder than words, actions were not always interpreted correctly. It was a wide truth that many things were misunderstood. He was a caiman after all, and a mini bear, and yet his teeth had no bite and his kindness knew no bounds. Well, that might not have wholly been true. He still had the sense to fear some—two—mares. More than the Motherfather is he was honest.

"I see no indication that you would not love your children. If you are worried enough to seek me out, if you consider that you would not care, then you are already well ahead of those who have an inability to love their offspring. Strange that we fear things and seek to change them but in doing so prove that our fear had no truth to it at all, don't you think?"

[doomsayer]

He thought carefully about the question. What were his father's actual feelings?

He narrated to Bitter Heartbeat that, from what his mother had told him, his father was friendly and cool--but he never really seemed like that to Ember. Whenever he would approach his father as a young foal, the latter would be brief with him, usually telling him to go back to his mother's den or to go play with his siblings. He could not really remember ever having a decent conversation with Viper's Nest.

When it came to the latter's actions, Ember remembers his father being in the fringes of where they grew up. He didn't necessarily stay with them, but he does remember that whenever his mother sought him out for something, he would be available. Sure he was there, but Ember couldn't help but feel like he wasn't there for him or his siblings.

After saying all of these things out loud, Ember came to a realization. "I guess I never really knew what my father felt about us. But how could I when he never told us? I want to be different. I want to be there for my children while they grow, and I want them to know how I feel about them. I'm just afraid that there's something that will change in me when they're here. Obviously I can't love them the way I love Sun-Cursed, and I don't know if I'll find the right way to love them."

[anemosagkelos]

"Communication and emotions are not easy for all kin," he started, "and it may be that your definitions, that your wants and beliefs for what being there for one another are different, too. Would it hurt to tell him what you want? Would you want your children to tell you what they want?"

Before, however, the buck could answer, Bitter Heartbeat stood, "Your children shall know that they are loved and be able to shows others that they love them. They shall be strong and healthy, with the comfort of family to inspire confidence to voice their needs, their wants, and their opinions. Your children shall only inspire you to love them more and show you how to love in return."

Quite nice, he thought.

"Now, how about we find this father of yours? I think some conversations might be helpful and I could use a walk."

The stag before him vanished and a tiny mini bear began to plod towards him. The flowers. The same glowing yellow eyes. The teeth. It grumbled, cocking its head to the side as if awaiting an answer.

[doomsayer]

Smoldering Ember stood open-mouthed as Bitter Heartbeat bestowed his blessing, decided for both of them to give his father a visit, and then turn into a small red bear right before his eyes--all before he could interject.

As the mini bear grumbled, looking at him expectantly, he could not help but to just shrug and surrender himself to the situation.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't really know where his father stayed. But he knew that his mother would. He guessed it was time for him and his new friend to make a visit to Heart and Home.